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I was on the phone the other day with a good friend and mid-conversation I was struck by the thought compared to me? “This chick is Super Mom!”
Full on loving the laundry, finds joy in the dishes, never misses a dinner, perfect hair and makeup, PTA president Super Mom. It was that conversation that made me truly understand that as Moms, we’re often put under an insane amount of pressure to be exactly that. Whether that pressure comes from our spouses, our kids, schools, our friends or even some random other mom at the park, almost from the very moment that we find out that we’re pregnant, we’re under the impression that we have to fit a certain mold and Lord help us if we don’t.
Whether it’s right or not, there is a fear that grows when if we realize that we don’t fit that mold.We fear that our kids will not love us as much. We fear that our kids won’t be well adjusted. We fear that they will turn out to be…well something other than what we dream for them. Those fears can be devastating not only to our own minds, but to our children as well.
So there I am, on the phone with my dear, dear friend, having this thought and I realized something…
I am not Super Mom….and I am totally okay with that.
I am a work at home Mom. I work more hours in 1 day than some people do in 2 or 3. I am horrible at most crafts and DIY and although I love to cook, there are days where I don’t have the time. I am great at budgeting, but here lately, I suck at staying within that budget (yes, I did just admit that) unless I stay on top of myself 100% of the time. I love to menu plan, but more often than not? I make dinner on the fly. I feed my child McDonald’s and I order pizza A LOT. I almost always have dirty laundry in the hampers and I have been known to ignore the sink full of dishes and go catch a few hours of sleep instead.
My desk is so cluttered that I can’t see the top of it in some spots and my bathroom looks the same right now. I am 100% positive that I have frozen meat at the bottom of my deep freezer that has been there for at least a year, and someday, I will get around to cleaning that freezer out. I am 100% NOT worried about the bottom of that freezer right this second. I sometimes forget things that my child needs until the last minute and I am really bad about procrastinating anything..and everything that I possibly can. I go way overboard on Christmas gifts every single year even though I say I’m not going to and I have a REALLY hard time ignoring her when she wants something.
She drinks soda and yes, sometimes will have a candy bar (specifically Hershey’s Cookies and Cream). I have been known to make faces at her behind her back…and she knows me well enough that she will turn around and make a face back at me even though she didn’t see me actually do it. She also knows that I find it totally acceptable for her to make faces at me behind my back and we will roll with giggles when I catch her doing it because she really isn’t as slick as she thinks.
I will admit though…I am 100% envious of some of the mom’s that I see. The moms who seem to have it all together, even though I know deep down that they don’t. The ones who are uber organized or have the time to make 3 layer cakes with a custom design and throw these massive birthday parties for their kids. The Moms who judge my parenting because my daughter is eating that Hershey Bar while sipping a soda and riding her bike without shoes (YES, she rides w/out shoes…she refuses to wear them! YOU try to make her!) The ones who look at me like I’m the scum of the earth because my hair is in a bun, I have no make up on, I may or may not have flour on my shirt and/or hands when I answer the door and because I don’t scold my child for not sharing. (That is a different post for a different day.)
I repeat …I am not Super Mom…and I’m okay with that. Wanna Know Why?
Because even though she has the Mom that she does, Emma is happy. She knows she is loved. She’s not spoiled, she’s not in trouble, she excels at school. She smiles all of the time and she would give you the shirt off of her back if you needed it. (Really. She tries to give her toys out almost every single day to kids that have less. I let her unless it was a really expensive item that she just got.) She hates to disappoint anyone and she befriends those that need a friend because they don’t have one simply because they were sad. (True story.) She loves with everything that she has and as a result, she hurts deeply when she gets hurt. She is so smart and is very rapidly learning to use that intelligence. She can see right through a fake and she is in no way afraid to call them on that.
She is a tween and with that come the typical tween issues. We argue about her room (okay, I argue, she rolls her eyes), there are days where Mom and Dad are the absolute most uncool people on the planet and she sighs like I took her best friend away when I won’t let her watch Jessie or iCarly. At the end of the day though, she still hugs me and tells me she loves me and waits for that kiss on her cheek. As she walks away to bed, my heart breaks that I only have a few more years with her before she heads out on her own.
Know what? I’d rather be “judged, imperfect and human” Mom and have my daughter learn the lessons in life that she will need to know than to be Super Mom who only taught her how to smile pretty and bake a cake. I would rather that when she is an adult that she looks back with a smile on what Mom taught her than to have her ever say that I didn’t teach her what I should have, treat her the way I should have or God forbid, that I didn’t love her like I should have. I would rather she know that it is okay to have flaws and imperfections and to learn to embrace her own.
And when she has kids of her own? I want her to be okay with not being a Super Mom too.